Patricia Olsen and Petros Levounis, M.D., M.A.
Q&A'sQ. Pat, you say in the book that everyone in your family is an alcoholic (or was when they were alive). Why not you? A. First, my brothers and I had very different roles in our family. In families like mine, members take on roles to try and function in the chaos. I was the overly responsible one. There are other reasons as well, but as I learned from Dr. Levounis, there’s a bit of luck involved, too. I may have missed the genetic bullet for a variety of reasons. Q. Dr. Levounis, I know my brother is drinking too much. He staggers in at 3 a.m. after going out with his friends. And I heard him on the phone talking about how he gets wrecked at college and how he’s gotten in trouble because of it. I’m afraid for him, and I don’t know what to do. A. Start by having a conversation with him. While a lot of people who drink too much may be in denial, quite a few recognize that there is problem but have no idea how to approach it. Don't be surprised if your brother welcomes the conversation and even feels relieved that you brought it up. It may very well serve as the first step. One way to "crack the door" is to look at some discrepancy between where your brother is now and where he'd like to be. What are his goals? How is his drinking stopping him? You might also show him the two tests in our book that help people determine whether they drink too much. |
ExcerptChapter 1: Uneasy Triad: My Sibling, the Bottle, and Me "You can't swing a cat and not find someone affected by drugs and alcohol, whether it's indirectly through the pocketbook or directly through someone they love." —Martin Sheen, actor Ask people the first word that comes to mind when they hear the word “sibling” and some will say “rivalry.” Others may answer “bond” or “soulmate.” Some siblings are best friends, while others are distant and have little contact. Same-sex siblings are usually closest, according to experts, but things like age differences, geographical distance, and different temperaments affect the relationship, too. The only given seems to be that the connection changes during different life stages, as psychotherapist Stephen Bank notes in his seminal book The Sibling Bond. No matter what the relationship between brothers and sisters, one fact remains: we have a tie like no other. Even if we’ve never been close to our sibling, having the same parents (whether they be biological, or through adoption or marriage) makes the sibling connection—or the lack of it—one of the most significant in our lives. To writer Anna Quindlen, siblings have possibly the most complex relationship in life, and to author Bank, the bond is “life’s longest relationship, longer… for the [sic] most of us…, than our ties to our parents. It lasts longer than our relationship with our children, certainly longer than with a spouse, and with the exception of a few lucky men and women, longer than with a best friend.” We can hold grudges against a sibling, or we can miss them terribly, long after they die. |
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